A New Home for Tbird
by Bari Sax Player
Summary: Poor little Tbird has been tossed into the street with a basket full of orphans. Can the two Hottest Slytherin's help her find a new home? Hey? Is that Hotch, Rossi and Carlos "Ranger" Manoso here to help too? Hot beverages are NOT optional.


**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real persons and/or group, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.**

**Poor little Tbird has lost a home for all her stories. Can she find a new home for them? Lot's of familiar characters step up to help. **

**This story contains no smut, no violence, no sex. There is the possiblity of adult language and some kissing.**

**Hopefully you can follow her to her new homes!**

"Are you telling me you really don't feel it, Lucius?"

"Feel what, Severus?" The blonde aristocrat stopped walking to stare at his dark haired friend.

"An emptiness, a hollow feeling, like something is missing."

"Oh that." Lucius Malfoy nodded his head. "I did feel something, but I thought I was just hungry."

"Hungry." The Potion's Master shook his head in disgust. "Really Lucius, you can be such a blonde sometimes...what?" He stopped speaking when Lucius held up his hand.

"Do you hear that?" Lucius cocked his head, listening.

"Hear what?"

"Crying. It sounds like it's coming from over there." Without waiting for a response, he took off down the street. Turning a corner, he spotted a woman sitting on a bench. She had light brown hair, cut short and she was clutching a basket on her lap. Her shoulders shook with each heart wrenching sob.

"Here now. What's wrong?" He asked, gently. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm lost." She sobbed, turning her tear stained face to him. "I'm lost and all my babies are orphaned. I don't know what to do." Her blue eyes glistened as tears streamed down her face.

"Do I know you?" Severus asked. "You seem so familiar. What's your name?"

"Tbird1965."

His eyes widened in recognition. "You're...?" She nodded her head. "And those are...? She nodded her head again, tilting the basket so he could peak inside. "Well this explains the empty feeling I've been having." He whispered hoarsely.

"I don't understand." Lucius said, looking between his friend and the crying woman.

"Just look, Lucius. Look in the basket." Severus' voice shook with his shock and his rage.

"Oh Merlin." Lucius face recoiled in horror at the contents of the basket. "Were you able to save them all?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Nooooooo." She wailed. "There are some I can't find. They just tossed them out like they were garbage, no warning, no notice, no anything." Reaching inside she touched one tiny head. "I thought "Passing Notes in Snape's Class" was lost forever." She hiccuped. "But a friend and rescued it and was able to send it back to me." She covered her tear streaked face with her hands.

"Hermione fell in love with me in that story." Severus whispered.

"I don't remember that one." Lucius murmured, still peering into the basket.

"You weren't there. But remember when you married Luna and I married Hermione and what about the time you helped Ginny get out of debt?"

"Those were good times." Lucius smiled nostalgically. "And great sex."

"Shhhhh." Tbird hissed, her eyes wide with fright. She glanced around warily, wrapping her arms protectively around the basket. "You can't say S-E-X anymore."

"What? That's ridiculous?" Lucius scoffed. "Why not? Sex is wonderful, it feels good. There's nothing better then comi..."

"No!" The little writer shrieked. "It's forbidden."

"Come along." Severus said, taking her arm gently. "Let's get you off the street. We can go..." He looked around him, "...in here and talk. This seems like a nice little Coffee Shop."

Nodding her head, the lost little writer followed the men inside, her arms still wrapped around her basket of orphaned stories. Looking around the room, Severus motioned towards of comfortable looking conversation area. "Let's sit here." She nodded again and lowered herself onto a sofa, the basket still clutched tightly on her lap. "I think you can set them down now. It seems safe in here." Sighing, she relinquished her grip on the basket and let the dark haired man place them carefully down beside her. He lowered himself onto the loveseat next to Lucius. They all looked up when a tall man dressed in plaid pants and a Superman t-shirt hurried over, a cup clutched in his hand. The long sleeves of his gray undershirt where pushed up over his forearms.

"Here's a hot beverage." He said pushing the cup into the little writer's face.

"What's that for?" Lucius asked.

"She's upset. When someone's upset you give them a hot beverage. It's not optional."

"You don't even know what she's upset about." The blonde Wizard rolled his eyes.

"No and I don't care." The tall man's Adam apple bobbed as he swallowed, glancing nervously around the room. "But it's not optional and she's in my spot."

"You're spot!" Lucius barked. "Here now..."

"Don't even bother." Tbird said, standing up and taking the cup. "This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper and he's just like that. Here Sheldon," She motioned to the empty end of the couch, "you can have your spot back." Moving to the love seat, she squeezed herself between the two Wizards.

"Well this is better anyway." Lucius growled, his hand dropping on the woman's knee. He chuckled low in his throat when Severus' hand claimed the other knee. They all glanced towards the door when it opened and two handsome men walked in. The taller of the two had thick dark hair and was wearing a black suit. Mirrored sunglasses covered his eyes. The shorter, older man sported a salt and pepper goatee.

"We're looking for Tbird1965." The tall man said, removing his sunglasses and gazing around the room.

"Who's asking." Snape growled possessively.

"I'm Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner and this is Agent Rossi. We're with the FBI Behavior Analysis Unit. It is our understanding there's been a crime committed."

"I'm Tbird." The little writer said softly.

Stepping in front of the love seat, Hotch lowered himself onto the coffee table. Reaching out he took the writer's hand gently. "First on behalf of myself and everyone at the BAU, we want to say how sorry we are for what has happened to you. Do you have any idea who's responsible for this atrocity?"

"No." She whimpered, fresh tears coursing down her face. "I've only heard rumors. I don't know if they're true or not. A group called Lawlclan seem to be taking credit.

"Rossi check that out." He called over his shoulder. "What about any threats? Have you received any flames or anonymous reviews?

"Mmm hmmm." She nodded. "A few weeks ago I got three or four anonymous flames from someone calling themselves 'Messenger'. They said I was a piece of sh, sh, sh..." She broke down weeping.

"Shite." Lucius offered.

"Lucius I don't think we're allowed to say 'shite' anymore." Snape whispered.

"Excrement?" Sheldon offered helpfully. "Can we say excrement?"

Aaron Hotchner narrowed his eyes at the tall man in the classic "Hotch stare". "What else did they say?"

"They said I was a gay lover and I should die."

"Well that seems a bit harsh." Lucius frowned, rubbing her knee gently. "Isn't diversity a good thing and homophobia bad?"

"I always thought so." She said, wiping her eyes.

"And what did you do." Hotch asked gently.

"I made fun of them." The little writer sobbed. "I know I shouldn't have. I should have just ignored them but I didn't. They were so mean for no reason."

Agent Rossi returned and whispered in Hotch's ear. "Okay. I believe we have a profile. These attacks are not the work of one, but many. They are young, immature, most likely unpopular, unattractive teens. They lack parental support and guidance and are probably bullied within their own social settings and peer groups."

"As a result of this bullying," Agent Rossi spoke for the first time, "they probably feel powerless and lacking control. To counterbalance these feelings they have banded together, much like a vicious pack of dogs, to cyberbully others."

He paused and Hotch continued. "By bullying from the safety of a computer, they feel important and powerful. They probably have no true understanding of the pain and heartache they are causing. By controlling adults, they gain the illusion of power and control over their own lives."

"Well what can she do?" Lucius asked.

"We are working on it. Just know you are not alone. Many others have been attacked by these vigilantes too. Measures are being taken to combat these teens."

"If they don't like my stories, why don't they just not read them? Can't they find a story they enjoy and leave mine alone?"

"That is how a mature adult would handle the situation. Make no mistake, these are very immature, childish individuals who are under the illusion they are behaving as a mature adult." Hotch sighed sadly.

"But my stories and all my reviews. All the nice things people said to me, just gone, gone forever. Don't they even care that they are hurting people?"

"Not only do they not care, they probably find your pain amusing, laughable. These are cruel, mean children. They have no empathy for others and they don't care who they hurt."

Just then the door flew open, a gorgeous Cuban man dressed all in black rushed over. Reaching down he pulled the little writer to her feet, wrapping her up in his strong arms.

"I'm so sorry this has happened to you, querida." He whispered huskily in her ear. "I will do everything I can to catch these hijo de putas and when I do they will rue the day they were born. I promise you that."

"Thank you Ranger." She sobbed against his neck. He pulled back and kissed her softly on her lips."

"No tongue!" She cried out, pulling back when he tried to deepen the kiss. "It might be too adult." She explained at his questioning look.

"Carlos." Hotch called out, stepping forward to shake the man's hand.

"You know each other?" Tbird asked looking from Ranger to the two FBI Agents.

"Everyone in law enforcement knows Ranger." Dave Rossi said, slapping him on the back in greeting.

"Hotch, Dave. I'm glad you're here. I offer my services and the services of RangeMan to help catch these perpetrators."

"Why don't we step outside and I'll show you what Penelope's has found already." Turning back to Tbird, he pulled her to him and hugged her fiercely. "I wanted to thank you for all your support with the Beth situation. You made our first time so...special. But why did you make me com..." His chocolate brown eyes widened with the little writer slapped her hand over his mouth, cutting him off.

"I don't think you're allowed to say 'come'." Severus said. "At least not in the context you were planning on using it."

"Fine." Hotch growled. "Why did you make me finish so quickly?"

"Oh Aaron." She sighed, kissing him on the lips. "I just wanted to keep you in character. You met Haley in High School, so I can only assume she's the only woman you've been with and after you divorced, I just couldn't see you hooking up with random women. You had fun with Emily and JJ didn't you?"

"Oh God yes." He moaned happily. "I loved the bag of sex..."

"Don't say sex toys." Tbird, Lucius, Severus and Sheldon all shouted at once.

"This is just ridiculous." Dave Rossi grunted, hugging the little writer and kissing her gently. "We have to go. But know we'll be working diligently on this. The rules are silly. And silly rules are meant to be broken. If people didn't break silly rules and fight against them, people like Derek Morgan would still be sitting at the back of the bus. Censorship is wrong, plan and simple."

"Thank you." Tbird called after them as she watched them leave.

"Hang on." Dr. Cooper said, sitting up straight. "Does this mean Penny and I aren't going to have coitus?"

"Can he say 'coitus'?" Lucius asked, looking around.

"I dunno." The little writer shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry Sheldon. but I still have to find a home for these." She gestured to the basket of stories. "I can't focus on anything new until I know these are safe from harm."

"Well what about right here?" He asked, gesturing around the coffee shop.

"Here?"

"Well yes. Didn't you see the sign on the door? It says The Writers Coffee Shop, mature content welcome. And aren't those some writers you know sittting over there?" He pointed across the room. The little writer smiled and waved shyly as familiar faces slowly came into view.

"So they'll be safe here?" She picked up a story and cuddled it to her cheek.

"I think so. But I do have to warn you, the shop currently doesn't support Internet Explore, you'll have to download Firefox as secondary browser. But after that, you should have no trouble at all."

"Do you like foxes?" Lucius asked, running his fingers over the silver tip of his cane. "There are some foxes living in the woods near my Manor. They aren't on fire though, but I'm sure I can come up with some sort of a spell if you want them to be."

"Not those kind of foxes you Aristocratic fool." Severus groaned. "Internet browsers. It's a muggle thing, you wouldn't understand."

"Well now that that's all settled, why don't you store your stories safely over there." Lucius pointed to a cubbyhole in the corner. "And then we can all go to my Manor for a little naked swimming and some good old fashioned fuc..."

"Don't say that word." Tbird screamed, slapping her hand over his mouth.

"Fine." He sighed, pushing her hand away. "For some good old fashioned canoodling. Can I say that?"

"I don't know. But canoodling with two handsome Wizards sounds like just what I need." Tbird laughed. "Would you like to join us Sheldon?"

"No." The tall man sighed, standing up. "I have to go tell Penny that we won't be engaging in coitus for a while and jeepers, I was really looking forward to it."

As they watched him walk out the door, Lucius turned to the little writer. "I've been meaning to ask you, where did you come up with the name Tbird1965?"

"Well I was born in 1965 and my Grandmother used to always call me Tbird."

"And your new name, Bari Sax Player?"

"I played Baritone Saxophone all through High School and College. I even played professionally for a little while."

"Mmmm." Lucius groaned, leering wickedly. "Aren't Bari Sax mouthpieces quite large?"

"Lucius!" Snape yelled as the blonde man rubbed the front of his trousers suggestively.

"What? I just thought she might like to wet my reed for me."

"Come on Lucius." The little writer grabbed his hand. "Let's get out of here before you get us kicked off...again."

The End.

**If you're looking for me come find me on AFF or The Writers Coffeeshop. I look forward to seeing you. I'll be posting all my stories slowly but surely. If you are a reader or writer of mature content stories, I urge to back up your stories, you never know when they might disappear.**


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